"Beware the golden shower that is my wrath!"

Then it happened.

On the local Chicago broadcast of the Fire v. DC match, Darrian Chapman and some other putz introduced us to the third member of their broadcast team... Thomas Freakin' Rongen.

I cringed at his opening monologue, watching the eyes on his droopy face dart back and forth, reading his lines. I listened to his droning, Schwarzenegger-like voice and remembered how horribly stupid he looked speaking to his team in the locker room on "ESPN: Extra Time."

Then, when he began speaking to the players, asking pertinent questions, and giving semi-valuable commentary from the sideline, something occurred to me.

I would rather look at Thomas Rongen's Fred Gwynne mugshot face and hear something than watch the vacuous Ms. Paysse fawn over the MLS players while Rob Stone and partners fawn over her. At least Darrian Chapman didn't bring attention to it if he did find Mr. Rongen attractive.

Spelling Lessons - Bigsoccer.com posters take note... PLEASE!

• Jim Curtin, not Curtain
• Peter Nowak, not Novak or Nowack
• DaMarcus Beasley, not DeMarcus
• Josh Wolff, not Josh Wolf

Credibility, GONE - Columbus, I no longer feel sorry for you. I railed against the hooligans that threatened you. I condemned the criminals that hurt you. I asked nicely that you give us another chance when you said you'd never come back to Chicago.

Yeah, I'm over that. On my last trip to Columbus, I witnessed some seriously rude and belligerent people... some of the worst I've ever come across. We sit in our section, sing and cheer and make your north end seem like... well... a refreshment stand. We put up with yellow-clad idiot after idiot trying to start fights with us. You want us to control ours? Get control of your own. And before you say it, no... I'm calling the kettle yellow.

An example. After the match was over, my wife and I walked up the stairs to find a female Crew fan waiting for us near the stairs leading down. "You guys suck!" she slurred. "You only scored one goal. We had to score the other one for you."

I snickered until I realized this moron was serious. Then I laughed until she went downstairs. I stayed upstairs for a while to speak with some friends. When we finally did go downstairs, we saw that there was some kind of commotion involving the police.

I looked to see what happened and saw a skinny, teenaged, female Fire fan crying and holding her bloodied face. I looked further in and saw the very same Crew fan yelling and carrying on. I'm betting that she made up some story about people trying to start a fight with her. Knowing how you Crew fans continually whine about us, I'm sure they believed it.

On second thought, I guess I do still feel sorry for you.