May 5, 2002 FIRE ANNOUNCES PARTNERSHIP WITH PORTA-JOHN
In a major movement by Chicago Fire officials, it was announced that Porta-John Systems, Inc. would become a new sponsor of the Chicago Fire. While details of the deal were withheld, it was revealed that the company would become Major League Soccer's first shorts sponsor.

Said Fire G.M., Peter Wilt, "We're very excited about this partnership. With the lack of restroom facilities at our new home in North Central College's Cardinal Stadium, we felt that a lucrative arrangement could be made."

Below is a picture of the proposed sponsor patch to appear on the backs of players' shorts.

A special arrangement was made with goalkeeper Zach Thornton. His patch, which includes the company slogan, appears below.

May 5, 2002 FIFA TO REVIEW CARDINAL STADIUM POTENTIAL
In a surprising turn of events, FIFA president Sepp Blatter has announced that he will begin hearing discussions regarding FIFA events on fields which are covered in the markings of American Football.

When asked if FIFA planned to ban such events, Blatter said, "On the contrary. We are looking at the possibility of incorporating the lines into all future field designs. They have been very helpful to referees in measuring the ten yards necessary on free kicks."

American soccer fans have long complained about the football field markings at professional soccer matches. Dallas Burn fan, Jimmy-Ray Douglas, praised the plan saying, "Hey! If it's good enough for Europe, it's good enough for me!"